1. “When will you finally have kids?” Once you have offspring, you want your friends to share the experience. But please don’t loudly ask this question across the table at Thanksgiving dinner or at a baby shower. Although many people are happy to be childfree or waiting, the situation may be more complicated. A friend could be facing infertility, in the agonizing position of having a spouse who doesn’t want children, or otherwise in a complex struggle over the issue. Bring it up privately with close friends, or wait for them to share with you.
2. “We always wanted to have a family.” If you use the expression “have a family” to mean “have children,” you inadvertently send a message that people without kids are… family-less. Family comes in many forms: significant others, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors — happily, the list goes on!
3. “I only invited other parents.” Having children is the norm, and people who are childfree can sometimes feel isolated or excluded. So invite us to birthday parties! Sure, there are some people who just don’t like kids and have no desire to spend an afternoon surrounded by them. They can decline the invitation, and the rest of us will cheer when the birthday boy takes his first bite of cupcake.
4. “Are you hung-over?” If you had kids when you were on the younger side, you may have transitioned abruptly from staying out bar-hopping to night feedings and Yo Gabba Gabba — and years later, you may assume that we’re still acting like our crazy twentysomething selves. But just because we don’t have kids doesn’t mean we aren’t growing up.
5. “You’re so lucky you get to sleep in/shop/travel.” We understand that you give up a lot to be the amazing parent you are — and we do appreciate our extra cash and free time, and god, yes, the sleep. But too many offhand comments like this make us feel like you assume the reason we don’t have children is that we’re lazy, selfish, or shallow. The decision is never that simple.
6. “This must be birth control for you.” Parents often make this joke when their kid is being loud or persistent, and we understand it’s because you’re worried the situation is bugging the hell out of everyone around you. Don’t stress — a good friend understands that your kid is going to have a meltdown once in a while. We can take it. And, of course, a crying toddler is not actually a tipping point in our decision to have kids. We’re not that shortsighted.
7. “Your dog/cat/parakeet is your baby.” Pets are a huge part of many people’s lives, whether or not those people have children. But it feels like a consolation prize when you put it like this. That said, ask about my cat; I’m happy to pull up my latest photo of her adorableness.
8. “I can’t die; I’m a mom.” During a recent brief terrorism scare in New York City, a friend said to me, “I have to get out — I can’t die; I’m a mom.” We know you have someone depending on you in an unprecedented way, but there are people who love and depend on us, too.
9. “I’m sorry it’s taken forever for me to call/email/text you back.” Don’t start every correspondence with an apology. Your life is insane and letting us know you want to make time for us is appreciated. But don’t stress so much: My life is busy too, and more often than not, I didn’t even notice a lag.
10. “You wouldn’t understand.” We know there are many things about parenting you will turn to your mom friends to talk about. And, honestly, with anyone other than a close friend, that’s probably best — I lose interest fast when someone I don’t know well talks too much about their kids. But when we’re real friends, don’t let our relationship fade because you’re afraid of boring us with parenting stuff. Just like we used to listen to you talk about your ex, we want to hear about what’s important in your life now. And we hope you’ll do the same for us.
“….One of the most fatuous themes of mainstream OWS coverage is the endless loop of media bafflement at this movement that doesn’t have a message. Erin Burnett (uttered) a classic put-down of the OWS’ refusal to tailor its message to her. It takes a walloping amount of willful cluelessness to look at a mass of people holding up signs and claim that they have no message.
Occupy Wall Street is not a movement without a message. It’s a movement that has wisely shunned the one-note, pre-chewed, simple-minded messaging required for cable television as it now exists. It’s a movement that feels no need to explain anything to the powers that be, although it is deftly changing the way we explain ourselves to one another.”—
“When somebody says, “I don’t think women should be raped for wearing short skirts, but what do they expect when they do go out like that?” what you are actually saying is that if a woman in a short skirt is raped, you will be less likely to hold her rapist culpable. Which makes a woman in a short skirt really appealing to a rapist. That’s something that you did. That’s not something the woman in the short skirt did, or something the rapist did. You made that woman a more comfortable target by making it clear that if she got raped, you would be less upset about it, less willing to see the rapist go to jail, less willing to support the woman. A woman is not increasing her risk of being raped by wearing a short skirt. You are increasing her risk of being raped by saying that women who get raped in short skirts should have expected that. Rapists hear you say that. By only raping the women that bystanders agree should be raped, a rapist reduces his chance of being caught and, if caught, punished. And that is why he will pick those women, over and over again, not because there is something more appealingly rapeable about them — they have what any woman has, as far as rape goes — but because he will be less likely to be held culpable for his actions.”—(via mollay)
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
You’ll change your mind. Once you get pregnant your whole viewpoint will change. You’ll come around when you have a kid. You’re young, you don’t know what you want.
Things that people say to me when I mention that I don’t want to have children, ever. I am a nineteen-year-old woman. Made me feel frustrated, and powerless to control my future. Angry that no woman is “too young” to know that she *does* want to be a mother, but is always “too young” to know that she does not.
So, here is how it goes. First, the state passes a harsh immigration law. Then, it detains large numbers of immigrants. Third, private prisons (LCS, CCA, GEO) receive fresh inmates. And finally, the artificially created labor shortage is supplied by the new inmates. Does this sound like modern-day slavery to anyone?
The rest of the country can only look in shock and dismay, as once again, Alabama, a state renowned for its historical role in racism, segregation and slavery, leads the nation into another round of shame.
so, let me get this straight
they come, they work, get paid chicken shit
they get arrested, put into private prisons, forced to do the same kind of work they were doing, only now they dont get paid and they’re in shackles?
sounds like it to me
This is exactly how Black people were re-enslaved after emancipation. EXACTLY.